Between Two Worlds
I haven't been expressing myself for quite awhile now..
Not in a public network at least..
After all this time, I've been picturing myself thinking.. At what point in history that I have been stuck in this kind of life. Well, stuck may not be the proper word to use. To put it in a different way. It's like you've been traveling in a foreign land. Exploring, trying out different things along the journey.. And everything you did came out of pure intention to learn.. Finding one strength and talents to benefit others.. And then suddenly he found himself in a place where he had never been before. Took a short break and started questioning himself.. How, when, or why exactly that I am here in this particular place, and this particular time right now..
I've came a long way.. Memories of mine which is best not remembered.. When all the grudge will just come hunting me again.. How I wish I could erase it all.. Until I came to learn again from A to Z for what is right and wrong in life.. To explore things back to basic.. Until I came to a point that I was able to lead a group of student society.. The feeling of self-fulfillment that I was someone and able to contribute something.. I miss being a student representative.. Saying this after all I said that I was so eagerly wanting to drop it.
Between two worlds is where I need to choose. Between keep on moving forward, or just be satisfy with what I have.. 4th year Medical Student, Alexandria University. I decided to decline any post offered to me in the student organization. Life after being a student representative begins. Sort of awkward at first, but I learned to live a life as a normal student again. No more meeting to attend, no more announcement or speech to make up front. No more virtue to think of. To more projects to lead.. Not in the student organization at least. I was offered chairman of Alex Medical Team and decided kindly to decline it.. It's not like I've been less busier without post. It's just that do not want to work with ranks anymore.. I wish to work in the shadow where nobody would know the things I do. The honour will come from me alone and few other who chose to walk the same path as mine. We share the same ambitions with a way that is a little bit different from others but nevertheless, much needed.
No longer a figure, as for now, I have fully commited myself in 'tarbiah' and 'dakwah'. Two words that had been a stranger to me before.. A different field but way more challenging and dry. I have loss everything.. But at the same time I have also gain everything.. But then again, it has been almost 3 years for me to be involved in it. Am I really worth it to carry the title of a 'daie'. Not too far from now, I will hold the title of 'Naqib'. Someone that will guide someone's live hand to hand. But as for who I am, I know I can't be one just yet. And rightly so, I am not given the responsibility to be one yet.
If I had wanted so, then long that I had volunteered and registered my name to be one with the present student society. But what kind of 'Murabbi' will I be from there. When I can't even give up on movies, video games, and leave all sort of 'jahiliyyah' running inside me, then what would the product of the people under my responsibilities be??
However, I know to be perfect is not obligatory to carry out 'dakwah'. That is the reason that we are in need of 'tarbhiah' or self-building in the first place. Simply for me, to entitle myself as 'Naqib'... then that calls for greater personal. Because we will be playing with hearts. Playing with people's emotions. Between repentance and ignorance. And we would not want to nurture somebody just to a point where he can be call a good person. We would want him to reach a level where he can work and contribute to the good of the society. And this can never be achieved by somebody who is stuck with things that do not merit and somebody who is constantly draining in his sins..
3 years long it had been since I have surrendered myself to be build and improved by 'tarbiah'. It has taken me far. The only thing left to ponder is can I take myself further in its way. I have seen the outcome of it in many others before me. When one does not even bother himself in unrewarding entertainments. One who is able to lower his gaze in front of a women. One who only speaks of reasons and rationality while putting his emotions aside. One who speaks only for the good of others without priorities. One who keep his daily deeds high and clean. Ono who is trained physically, spiritually, and intellectually. These individual commit everything in the way of 'tarbhiah' and 'dakwah'. I read about these people.. And some are even in front of me. Can I be a similar person? Can I live the same way of living? Can I reach that sort of level? Where doubts would always wonder and whisper in my mind.. It's almost like I do not believe in myself enough. For someone who have commit many crime and hurt many feelings..
Between two worlds.. I am at a pit stop. Should I freshen up and continue racing. Or climb up my machine and resist driving....................
Not in a public network at least..
After all this time, I've been picturing myself thinking.. At what point in history that I have been stuck in this kind of life. Well, stuck may not be the proper word to use. To put it in a different way. It's like you've been traveling in a foreign land. Exploring, trying out different things along the journey.. And everything you did came out of pure intention to learn.. Finding one strength and talents to benefit others.. And then suddenly he found himself in a place where he had never been before. Took a short break and started questioning himself.. How, when, or why exactly that I am here in this particular place, and this particular time right now..
I've came a long way.. Memories of mine which is best not remembered.. When all the grudge will just come hunting me again.. How I wish I could erase it all.. Until I came to learn again from A to Z for what is right and wrong in life.. To explore things back to basic.. Until I came to a point that I was able to lead a group of student society.. The feeling of self-fulfillment that I was someone and able to contribute something.. I miss being a student representative.. Saying this after all I said that I was so eagerly wanting to drop it.
Between two worlds is where I need to choose. Between keep on moving forward, or just be satisfy with what I have.. 4th year Medical Student, Alexandria University. I decided to decline any post offered to me in the student organization. Life after being a student representative begins. Sort of awkward at first, but I learned to live a life as a normal student again. No more meeting to attend, no more announcement or speech to make up front. No more virtue to think of. To more projects to lead.. Not in the student organization at least. I was offered chairman of Alex Medical Team and decided kindly to decline it.. It's not like I've been less busier without post. It's just that do not want to work with ranks anymore.. I wish to work in the shadow where nobody would know the things I do. The honour will come from me alone and few other who chose to walk the same path as mine. We share the same ambitions with a way that is a little bit different from others but nevertheless, much needed.
No longer a figure, as for now, I have fully commited myself in 'tarbiah' and 'dakwah'. Two words that had been a stranger to me before.. A different field but way more challenging and dry. I have loss everything.. But at the same time I have also gain everything.. But then again, it has been almost 3 years for me to be involved in it. Am I really worth it to carry the title of a 'daie'. Not too far from now, I will hold the title of 'Naqib'. Someone that will guide someone's live hand to hand. But as for who I am, I know I can't be one just yet. And rightly so, I am not given the responsibility to be one yet.
If I had wanted so, then long that I had volunteered and registered my name to be one with the present student society. But what kind of 'Murabbi' will I be from there. When I can't even give up on movies, video games, and leave all sort of 'jahiliyyah' running inside me, then what would the product of the people under my responsibilities be??
However, I know to be perfect is not obligatory to carry out 'dakwah'. That is the reason that we are in need of 'tarbhiah' or self-building in the first place. Simply for me, to entitle myself as 'Naqib'... then that calls for greater personal. Because we will be playing with hearts. Playing with people's emotions. Between repentance and ignorance. And we would not want to nurture somebody just to a point where he can be call a good person. We would want him to reach a level where he can work and contribute to the good of the society. And this can never be achieved by somebody who is stuck with things that do not merit and somebody who is constantly draining in his sins..
3 years long it had been since I have surrendered myself to be build and improved by 'tarbiah'. It has taken me far. The only thing left to ponder is can I take myself further in its way. I have seen the outcome of it in many others before me. When one does not even bother himself in unrewarding entertainments. One who is able to lower his gaze in front of a women. One who only speaks of reasons and rationality while putting his emotions aside. One who speaks only for the good of others without priorities. One who keep his daily deeds high and clean. Ono who is trained physically, spiritually, and intellectually. These individual commit everything in the way of 'tarbhiah' and 'dakwah'. I read about these people.. And some are even in front of me. Can I be a similar person? Can I live the same way of living? Can I reach that sort of level? Where doubts would always wonder and whisper in my mind.. It's almost like I do not believe in myself enough. For someone who have commit many crime and hurt many feelings..
Between two worlds.. I am at a pit stop. Should I freshen up and continue racing. Or climb up my machine and resist driving....................
2 comments:
nothing is impossible..
cuba hayati surah Al-Kafirun, dimana Allah mengulang kepada orang kafir, agama kamu agama kamu, dan agama kami adalah agama kami....
disini tiada pencapuran antara jahiliyah dan islam.
dan hati tu hanya ada satu tempat sahaja.. kalau diisi dgn bnd yang tidak baik, maka tidak adalah tempat untuk kebaikan..
insya Allah, moga kuat untuk tinggalkan segala jahiliyah, dan dipermudahkan dalam segala urusan
wallahu a'lam
banyak sangat benda nak kejar dalam masa yang begitu singkat.. amin.. moga saudara dapat apa yang saudara kejarkan dan dipermudahkan segala urusan juga
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